We had had a string of messages. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Some were functional, some sentimental, some funny, some trite. All purposeful. But they were messages. And we were communicating. And we both understood. And this was fine. It was normal.
And then he called. At first I didn’t even recognize the sound of my phone ringing. (Really, when I thought about it — it doesn’t ring very often. When was the last time I changed the ringtone? Christmas?) But then I realized what was happening, and I answered, cheerily. We talked — on the phone — for a good 15 minutes. It was nice. We laughed. We made plans, wished each other a good week, and hung up. I sat there marveling at how unusual it was to actually talk on the phone — and how wonderful it was to have done that today.
Not an SMS. Not WhatsApp. Not a Skype video call — or an IM. Not even an email. No Google Talk. A real, old-fashioned phone call. Spontaneous — not set up in advance, not pre-arranged, not scheduled or even “maybe”d. Unscripted and raw, real and immediate. I loved it.
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I messaged. She replied. I messaged again. She replied. She asked me another question. I replied. And so it went, over a few days. Then one question — and a quick quip of a response indicating preoccuption. She was busy.
“Well of course,” I thought. “These are just messages, after all. I don’t actually expect you to respond right away. Respond whenever you can.”
But then I looked back at the message history and realized that most of our responses — from both of us — had been nearly immediate, in real time. And I thought, “Is this what it’s like now? We message in real time?” Well, I guess it is.
So what is the point of a message, then? If I had wanted an immediate response, I would have called.
But would I have? Do we make many phone calls any more? Have phone conversations become tedious? Too difficult, too unplanned and unwieldy?
I didn’t respond. We worked it out later… via text, of course. And all was well. Hey, there was nothing wrong to begin with.
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Today’s phone call made me wonder about the purposes of our messaging habits. While often convenient and even at times more clear than a phone call, particularly when there are language issues, are messages always the best method of communication? Do our personalities get lost in messages? Are different parts of our personalities lost in phone calls, too? Or is it just in the one and not in the other? What’s lost and what is gained?
To what extent do I really know my friends if we’re only ever communicating via SMS, WhatsApp, email, and Instant Messages? What is there to be garnered from a regular, spontaneous phone call? And why is this no longer the norm? It’s not as if we’ve lost the technical, logistical ability to call. It’s still there, in front of us, in our hands.
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I definitely have more questions than answers today. I’m not even sure what today’s nugget of truth is, but I’m certain it is something to do with how our communication choices reflect our values and personalities and ultimately, they say much about the value we put on relationships. I am just not sure I can say anything conclusively about what they say….
