Today I fought a battle I have fought many times before. It’s getting ridiculous, to be honest. It was a professional battle — I won’t go into details here. Sometimes I wonder why I still fight it.
And then I realized why I still fight it: because I know the value of it. To be more specific:
- This battle is valuable for the outcome that it achieves. That is, it changes the world around it for the positive simply by exisiting. The battle itself — not even the end goal of its outcome — is fruitful.
- I was the initiative behind this battle. I realize I’m tooting my own horn here, but it’s relevant: the battle is that important because I put my Self into it. It is valued, because I value my Self, and my energy, and all that goes with that energy exchange.
I hope you’re not misinterpreting me here — I’m not saying that simply because I think something is important, or because I initiated it, that it therefore has value. One could, I suppose, argue this from a purely logos angle, but that’s not what I’m on about here. What I’m getting at is this: I have limited energy. I put that energy into those things that I value. Today’s truth: When I value something highly, I put my Self into it — that is, my Self is part of my whole being and it is inseparable from other parts of me. It is througout.
I realize not everyone is like this. Others may behave very differently when they value something highly — and I totally get that, and this diversity is what makes our world great. I know someone who assembles a team and funds ($) whenever he comes across something he values highly — I admire this so so so so much because I think it must mean he distributes his energy better than I do. I know someone else who retreats into a meditation corner (literally) when she finds something she values highly — she feels the innermost need to go deep inside herself, privately, to dwell in whatever it is that she values. I admire this too — I covet that kind of regular personal internal commitment.
I also realize that while my 100% energy spending/bingeing — that is putting my whole Self into those things that I highly value — is occasionally an endearing trait of mine, it’s often annoying as hell. In fact, it means I regularly have to remind myself where to draw the line between Self and The Bigger Picture, just in the name of balance and adequate mental health, friendships, and preservation.
But hey — at least I realize this about myself, and I can work on it. And it helps me to recognize when something truly IS a battle worth fighting.
Something else: even when I lose these battles, I never really lose. Because when it’s something that I’m so connected to, so embedded into, I just continually push forward — perhaps in another way, manner, place, or with different people. But I know that if it’s that valuable, it has to be part of something I do. Period.
That’s all. I will keep fighting the battles I know are worth it… because I know their value.
