18
Apr

Leaping

“Leap and the net will appear.”

This is one of my favorite adages and in fact is my favorite approach to decision-making. I think most of my life choices have been made with this philosophy as my foundation, now that I think about it. This is much to the chagrin and hand-wringing of my father, I’m certain. For some, it’s a very risky way to choose a life path.

Today I thought a bit more about this proverb (truthfully, I think about it often enough already) and realized there is a direct connection between this approach — that of leaping and hoping that a net will appear — and being open. You can’t take that big jump and then be picky about what kind of net appears — or who is providing it, or how far fom the ground it is, or where the net will take you after it’s caught you. Most times the net that appears will be of a kind or origin you had never expected or maybe one you’ve never even heard of, but there will be one — of some kind. If you’re not open to what appears, then you are quite likely to be unhappy … and may not take a risk again.

I think, actually, the saying should be “Leap, then open your heart, and the net will appear.”

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17
Apr

5 things I’ve learned in 5 days with The Boot

1

It actually doesn’t matter very much if you’re a bit late. Very few things are set-in-stone-on-time. One of those very few things is the start of the school day. (Just sayin’.)

2

Objects in sight are farther than they appear.

3

Most people are kind and willing to hold doors, carry bags, offer assistance, etc. for an injured woman. Except, it seems, TEENAGERS. Even teenagers who know you well. We seem to have an empathy problem in these years…

4

I seem to have a tendency to graze my left ankle with the right foot when I walk. I’m beginning to think I have never properly known how to walk all these years. This explains a lot. I suspect I’ve always been misaligned somewhere, and I’m not sure how or when exactly that happened. The Boot is only making it worse by highlighting or augmenting this misalignment.

5

Patience is an attribute I’ve not yet learned the value of. I’m better than I used to be — and I’m definitely more patient with others than I am with myself — but I still have lots to learn. Everything takes longer with The Boot. And I just have to suck that up and deal with it. Deep breaths, right?

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16
Apr

Monday, Tuesday

Monday:

Despite not being too excited about the end of my holidays, I was surprised to discover a wee spring in my step (note: figurative language, not literal) upon returning to school on Monday. The energy of the kids was just so invigorating — all smiles and happiness and eagerness to be back at school. I found this so rejuvenating — moreso than my entire holiday — and was able to get past my “ugh” just a bit… and remember why I am in this profession in the first place. I heart being around kids so so so so much and I definitely get my energy from them. 🙂

Tuesday:

Bombings in Boston. What more can I say? Yes, there were deaths in Iraq, Syria, and probably North Korea too… oh, and Venezuela, after their elections. And probably several other countries. The USA is always on high alert, since 9/11. I don’t think this will change before I wither away on this planet, quite honestly. I do wish we cared more about people in other places, too. Not to trivialize what’s happened in Boston — it’s horrible — but I just wish we could, as a people, as a human race, extend our empathy to those beyond what we know. Is that possible? Is that within the realm of possibilty for our species? 

I am glad to know that my friends and their family who are in or from Boston are safe. But then there is a part of me that feels guilt about thinking that. What of all those thousands in Syria who are not safe? What of the Palestinians who live with warfare every day, and have for decades? What of the families trapped and ravaged by war and rape in the Congo? People in Iran and Pakistan who are suffering from an earthquake — and who had little infrastructure to begin with? How can we help these people? For a start — how can we genuinely care for these people? 

I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that these questions haunt me. They keep me up at night. I feel like I need to do more. And I do more. I take action. But it’s not enough. It’s a vicious cycle that won’t end, and requires more balanced thinking on my part… 

.. which is where yoga and meditation come in. It’s the only way I can make my peace with the world enough to live in it. 

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14
Apr

denial

My holidays unofficially ended last week when I put on my IB hat for 4 days from Thursday-Sunday. This means I worked through the weekend. Actually, they kind of ended as of Monday, as I spent 3 days putting together work in preparation for the Thursday-Sunday commitment. 

I would rather do that work than the work I have to do this week, now that holidays are officially over, from Monday-Friday…. even though the former pays farrrrrr less than the latter. 

That is the truth, right now, at this very moment in time.

 

Unrelated: I’m already over the aircast. Argh! 6 weeks?!

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13
Apr

Two in one

Friday:

I can’t help think of Meagan B when I write this: “Be your own advocate.” That’s what Friday’s truth was. Actually, in many ways it was my truth for the entire week, on both personal and professional levels. Sometimes no one else is there to look out for you, to ask the right questions. Sometimes it’s just YOU, whether you are prepping to go in for an MRI, or figuring out how to ask ask for more support on a curriculum project.

Saturday:

Take nothing for granted. Some things sneak up on you. Or, you knew they were there the whole time but they were easy to ingnore because they were so silent. These things — your motorcycle helmet, that pair of shoes you bought last summer, the saved yellowing letters from your grandmother, last year’s travel receipts, osteopenia — might not be vocal, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Some deserve more attention than others. Spend more time figuring out which those are, which ones could haunt you later if you don’t give them the proper sustained attention now. 

I don’t have many (any?) regrets in life, but I’m starting to have one now: I regret not taking my health more seriously much, much earlier, when I knew I should have been. Just because you can’t feel it — decomposition, that is — doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. The damage is silent and it is cumulative. Much of it is preventable, but when we don’t feel it, it’s hard to remember that. Well, it is for me, anyway. 

So, here we go. 

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11
Apr

Comfort and compassion

Really quick:

The past few days have been tough. Nothing earth-shattering, but I’ve been stressed and frustrated. I’m moving forward, and this will be a blip in no time. 🙂

But I’ve been so… comforted by family’s and friends’ words of support, many of which were unexpected in the sense that they came in ways I hadn’t anticipated or from people I didn’t think followed, or both. Most of these have been private, which I has also been nice, to be honest. I live some parts of my life so publicly that it’s nice to re-focus on the intimacy that is shared out-of-sight.

Most appreciated, I think, have been the suggestions to reframe my thinking while at the same time recognize that my feelings are real and they are valid. I have spent a good amount of time thinking about this. And I’m not done yet.

So, thank you. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself and I think I’m past that now. And I think I’m coming through with more compassion than before, having been gifted it by others.

So this truth remains: comfort comes in gestures small and large: whether it’s an offer to bring groceries, or a suggestion to re-think my thinking, both are valued and are kind and caring. Compassion begets compassion, even in the tiniest gestures of graciousness.

I hope I can return the favor of these compassionate gestures.

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10
Apr

you can just tell.

Sometimes, when you are talking with someone, you get a sense of what they’re like when you’re not around.

You can just tell.

You can visualize it, hear it, feel it… “it” being the experience of what life in their world is like. 

Sometimes when people say one thing, they often do another. Saving face. Putting up a good front. Trying to fit in.

But sometimes, it doesn’t matter what they say, really. The subtext of what they’re saying is clear enough. It’s all there, laid bare on the floor, and they don’t even realize it. 

Sometimes, you can just tell. 

 

 

———————–

The ankle is feeling slightly better. Anti-inflammatory meds are helping with that, but they also make me sleepy. Thank you to those of you who sent me kind words. I’m not proud of yesterday, but… well, it’s what was true for me. That’s all I can say. A lot of it is still true, so … :-/ But hey, you know what? I am working on it, and it’ll all get better. 🙂

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9
Apr

slippery slope

[View the story “Conversation with @amichetti and @reidau1” on Storify]

Conversation with @amichetti and @reidau1

Storified by Adrienne Michetti· Tue, Apr 09 2013 07:28:24

This has not been a very good day. :-/Adrienne Michetti
@amichetti need to share what happened?A Reid
@reidau1 stoopid ankle injury. that’s most of it.Adrienne Michetti
@amichetti ah, stopping you from being active.A Reid
@reidau1 yes. If I’m not careful… slippery slope to depression.Adrienne Michetti

A few years ago, when I injured my ankle for the first time, I learned a few unpleasant truths about myself:

  • When I’m not active, I put on weight. Not a lot, but enough to not fit into my clothes. 
  • This didn’t use to happen. I used to never exercise and never worried about weight – EVER. I used to be that girl you hated because she never had to worry about it. I used to never understand my weight-obssessed friends. (Getting older sucks.)
  • Not being able to be active, and therefore not fitting into my clothes makes me depressed REALLY quickly. 
    • Fact: within a week of being confined to my apartment and under doctor’s orders not to walk farther than 4 blocks, I had slipped into a cynical and self-pitying depression.
  • This affected my ego greatly — actually up to that point, I don’t think my ego and I had ever had such a blowout as this. It was a full-on war. 
  • I’m afraid of growing older and/but/yet I’m trying not to be… and … I am possibly not succeeding at that. 

So, re-injuring the same ankle as I did in 2010 has put me in a pretty foul mood. I’m trying not to let it get the best of me. I’m reading this right now, and so I’m trying to just see this setback as something I can learn from — I shouldn’t have been so over-zealous about my fitness regimen, I should have listened to my body better, I shoudn’t exercise just to prove a point, etc. etc. I am trying to turn this into a learning moment so that I can grow as a person and … maybe even an athlete.

But it’s really REALLY hard. 

:-/

So please bear with me. I don’t want to slide down that slippery slope again, because it was most unpleasant. I’m getting teary and blubbery just thinking about it, writing about it right now, because those memories are painful. And I’m embarrassed and ashamed that this is how I feel about it all… but I have to say it because the whole purpose of this blog project was to document the truths I encounter each day… and so here I am.

Truth: I hate the fact that I’m 38 and not 28. To be fair, I don’t always hate that fact, but today I do.

Truth: I don’t know how to not hate that fact when I’m injured like this.

I can not hate it — heck, I can even embrace it! — when I’m feeling great and I’m active and blahblahblah, but I seriously have a LOT to learn about how to embrace it when I’m feeling like shit with my ankle on ice because it hurts to walk to the f*cking kitchen. 

So if you have any ideas on how I can embrace that when I’m injured and immobilized, please help. Reading materials, video, cognitive behavioural therapy exercises, journaling prompts… what have you, I am OPEN because I know intellectually that simply being angry and fearful and depressed about it isn’t helping. Neither is pretending that I’m “fine.”

I would really like to shed the shame of this and move past it, because I also know, in the grand scheme of things, that a sprained ankle is not a big flipping deal! I don’t have freaking cancer, I’m not dying, it’s STUPID. I know all of this, and yet I don’t know how to stop feeling this way… but I want to not feel this way because I know how STUPID it is. 

Am I making any sense? 

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8
Apr

humanity

This demand for respectful silence in the wake of a public figure’s death is not just misguided but dangerous. That one should not speak ill of the dead is arguably appropriate when a private person dies, but it is wildly inappropriate for the death of a controversial public figure, particularly one who wielded significant influence and political power. “Respecting the grief” of Thatcher family’s members is appropriate if one is friends with them or attends a wake they organize, but the protocols are fundamentally different when it comes to public discourse about the person’s life and political acts.

via guardian.co.uk

Tonight’s truth is quick. Mostly because I’m tired and almost stupefied. I’ll do my best…

I’m saddened, disappointed, and disgusted by people who agree with Greenwald as quoted here. His statements imply that public figures are somehow less human than private persons. I realize many do feel that we hold public figures to higher standards than private persons, but really, in my heart of hearts, I don’t think *I* do… and I really wish others didn’t. I realize I’m kind of inviting criticism by saying this, but I like to think — and I try to embody the belief — that ALL humans are equal… private or public, male or female, Christian or Muslim or Buddhist or atheist, gay or straight or somewhere in between, WHATEVER.

So, NO – I do NOT think it’s appropriate to say rude and disrespectful things about Thatcher and her family. I do NOT think it is appropriate to celebrate her death.

I personally feel that many of her political ideologies and actions were reprehensible and even cruel. I can’t say I’ve *ever* been a fan of Thatcher’s. Her polices hurt many people and offended far more. But for crying out loud — she was a HUMAN being and we at least deserve to give her and her family some peace. She was a mother, sister, daughter, and many other things in addition to being a former prime minister. She also had the fortitude and bravery that few other women have had, particularly for the time period. I don’t applaud her beliefs or her politics, but I do applaud her gumption as a strong and willful female leader.

Can we separate the woman from her politics? Can we see her as a person? Is that too much to ask from fellow human beings?

I don’t think it’s *ever* right to celebrate another person’s death, no matter how horrible that person was — yes, even if that person was bin Laden.

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7
Apr

music and politics

This track is more than 20 years old. I, however, only discovered it about 6 years ago… I can’t remember how. Probably in a yoga class somewhere (it was early in my Michael Franti journey).

It came up today on shuffle while I was at the gym, and I can’t get it out of my head tonight. It’s a song that I love.

And I’d tell you that I’m suffering from the worst type of loneliness

The loneliness of being misunderstood

Or more poignantly the loneliness of being afraid

To allow myself, to be understood

Those lyrics pretty much sum up how I’m feeling with the problem I described yesterday of being “stuck.” I’m struggling to express what I need to express… in a way that is going to be understood. It’s a weird type of self-imposed loneliness, I guess… Not loneliness in the denotative sense of the word. Upon reflection, I think I suffer from this a lot. Maybe my whole life.. though that is up for debate, I suppose. More on that another time, perhaps.

I have a feeling I might be “stuck” for a while… and that it will be a process. Processes are good. I prefer them to products, truthfully. 

There is a lot about this song that I love. Of course, music and politics have always had an intimate relationship, so maybe that’s why I love it.

Two truths: 

  1. I’m still stuck and need to work through it.
  2. I love the lyrics of this song.

Okay three: I love Michael Franti for many many reasons. But you probably knew that already.

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