absence

… makes the heart grow.

——————————-

My break has been unintentional. I’ve been at a conference. I took some time off — a whole weekend — for myself. I’m wrapping up a two-year stint in a workplace that has become increasingly more difficult to endure.

My accidental break (from writing, not the one in my right leg) left me feeling good. I missed this space but at the same time being away made me feel intimidated by it. I think that’s a good place to be.

I will keep writing, and I will aim for every day, but I’m increasingly more aware of how those breaks are important to me. They give me space to ponder without feeling the need to produce. I’ve taken unintentional and intentional breaks from this space before, and until this time have felt guilt about it… like I owed somebody something. But I’ve never been good at all-or-nothing binaries, and that includes this New Year’s Resolution Experiment, I guess. I’m not so good with the all. The pressure of the all makes me want to do … nothing.

It’s okay. I will find the middle way. I usually do.