I’m not sure how to write this without upsetting people, so I will endeavour to keep this short.
I’m becoming increasingly sensitive to hearing the word “they” tossed around. In this context, I mean “they” as in “others” —- as in not “us” (whoever “we” are). I mean, I’ve always been sensitive to this. But I’m becoming even more sensitive. I’m not sure why. Perhaps this is a natural course of having lived 12 years in places that aren’t one’s culture of origin. Here are some examples I’ve heard recently:
- Why don’t they know what good service is here?
- I’ve noticed that they won’t move aside on the escalator unless you really ask them to.
- They haven’t quite figured out the traffic flow in this neighbourhood.
None of these sentences is inherently bad, on its own. But each has a subtext that implies that “I” — or “we” — know better than “they” do. It’s particularly irksome when the antecedent in that sentence has not been identified, or when there isn’t one. I’m very troubled by this trend of using “they,” particularly as
- an educator
- an educator in an international and multi-ethnic school
- a visible minority living in another country, by choice
- a somewhat nomadic global citizen
- a person who believes we are all more alike than we are different
I know sometimes it’s innocent. Sometimes it’s just us trying to make sense of our surroundings. But other times it’s because — often without realizing it — we are imposing our own sense of things — onto another culture, assuming and expecting that that other culture will “get it” and eventually figure out that “our” way of doing things is best.
I understand. I know that it’s natural to compare things to what one is used to. And that’s okay — really, it is. As long as it’s done in a respectful manner, I have no problem with it. But for a start, can we get rid of the word “they” in our sentence and replace it with the person/place/thing you’re really talking about? Can we get rid of the word “they” to expose what it is you’re really saying?
My next step is to find a way to subtly ask people that very thing: “Who is ‘they’? Who are you referring to when you say that?”
And if the answer is “Singaporeans” or some other group that lends itself neatly to a stereotyped “other,” you can bet I’m going to push back even more.
Today’s truth: There is no “they.” Just different shades of “we.”
