pro-rata

I never liked Math much. For several years, I thought I wasn’t any good at it. Eventually, over time, I realized that there were some parts of Math I was good at, and others I wasn’t. Fractions, algebra, and polynomials — no problem! Conics, probability and statistics — no way.

Really, one of the most important skills I ever learned in Math was that of proportions and ratios. In my head I think this was at like… grade 7 level but I’m sure in this day and age it’s taught at grade 4, right? I swear to you — I have never used a Math skill more than this one. I use it probably every day in my kitchen. In my classroom. When shopping. Mixing cocktails. Paying bills. Exercising.

I sometimes feel like I see the entire world in ratios and proportions. I’m not even kidding. I’m often doing pie charts in my head, and momentarily freak out inside when the parts are equal to more than one whole, or less than one whole. Or when the proportions don’t match. This is how I do mental karma.

Her delayed luggage equals two of my waiting in line at the post office.

My job insecurity equals three of her frustrations with co-workers because they take too much time off work.

His mom’s cancer equals her dad’s jail sentence.

His village’s bushfire equals their loss of soy crops.

And so on. 

I know, it doesn’t always make sense. This is also why, when some things don’t add up… I just have to give it up. I have to put it out to the universe and hope for the best. There must be another “piece” out there somewhere to make it all equal, right?

Her mother’s death and job loss in the same month equals…. equals…. ???? what is equal to this??? who has it?

This is my thought process.

And so it is with other things.

I’m not always good at remembering the proportions, though — even if I do understand them. For example, when it comes to stress.

When amount of stress increases by 5, amount of stress-reducing activities should also increase by…. 

FIVE, silly! Not 2. Not even 3! You are going to mess it all up. Nothing will taste/feel/smell sound right! The universe will be out of balance! YOUR universe will be out of balance!

By the logic of proportions, I should be doing yoga, meditation, and pranayama 5x a day — at school, in the taxi, at the grocery store…

But I keep forgetting. I keep forgetting that when things get more stressful, I have to increase the proportions of stress-reduction so that it balances out. I cannot rely on current measures (x1) to solve the increased stress (x5) at my feet (literally at my feet, or foot, at the moment).

The Math just doesn’t work. I will be left with less than a whole.

Less than whole.

I do not want stress to leave me less than whole.

So, if you’re looking for me, I’ll be on my yoga mat, doing a pie chart in my head.