personal evolution

I had an interaction today with someone who actually said “the vast majority of women would rather have a man check out the strange noises at night and change a flat tire in the rain.” His implication was that this was why many women pursue or stay in relationships.

The same person who said this quote had earlier said he is interested in personal growth.

I politely told him there were all kinds of things people would rather not do: laundry, filing taxes, washing dishes, picking blueberries, re-tiling the bathroom. But people either suck it up and learn to do them (yes, I learned kung fu) or figure out how to pay someone else to do them (I was a happily paying member of CAA when I had a car). This is part of living in the working adult, non-privileged world. Whether or not I want to wash my clothes or weed the garden (both YUCK to me) has nothing to do with my gender. They are tedious tasks. They are not tedious “man tasks” or “woman tasks.”

I daresay, however, that via filing taxes and washing dishes I have learned lots that has contributed to my personal growth.

• order is important (you cannot wash the greasy pot first if you want to use the water again; you have to enter those receipts from January before the ones in June)
• attention to detail is a worthwhile skill (nothing more disgusting than last night’s wine in your morning orange juice; and when lines 346A and 429B don’t match because of $0.02, you may have another hour’s worth of work ahead of you when you really would just rather go to bed)
• strategy is worth considering (Yes, I will need that spatula while I’m cooking dinner; If I make a donation to Amnesty International, will my taxation rate decrease?)
• timing is everything: know thyself! (there is no way in HELL these taxes will get done in the morning, but there is no way in HELL the dishes will get done after 10pm, either)

… and many other wee life lessons. If I had just passed these tasks on to someone else, would I have learned those life lessons elsewhere? Probably. Hopefully! But because I believe in personal growth, I can reflect on them and recognize that they gave me something, even when I was kvetching and moaning about it (and believe me, I kvetch and moan about dishes nearly every day). And if I find the kvetching and moaning is getting to be too much, I know I need to find another solution or find a way to embrace the reality of This Adult Life.

The last thing I’d do, in my “personal growth,” is find someone to partner with simply to have that person do these things.

**shudder**

I’m here — on this planet, in this space, on the couch, at the table, on the street, on the beach or the mountain — for personal evolution. Period.

And if you’re not, I am not sure what to say to you.