I didn’t post yesterday. No really big reason, I guess. I spent most of the day at home managing “life stuff” — paying bills and sorting out the logistics of a big trip this summer, not to mention navigating the issues that surround changing jobs within Singapore as a foreigner.
Not long ago I was living in NYC as a 30something graduate student. After a fairly successful career as a teacher in international schools, it was a big blow to my professional and adult ego to have to rely on borrowed money to survive again. The last time I had done that was when I was in university the first time, more than 15 years earlier. Yeah.
I loved living in NYC but I found it really hard living there while not earning money. Even after I did earn a bit of money working as a consultant for a brief time, I learned it was still hard. NYC is a hard city to live in comfortably unless you’re earning more than $250K annually — and even that’s a struggle if you want to own property. (Don’t get me wrong: it is possible to live in NYC cheaply. It is very possible, and I did it. But it’s not sustainable if you want to do things like travel, have a family, own property or other investments, or you happen to get sick.) I’ll be the first to admit that one of the reasons I wanted to return to an expat life was because I missed my lifestyle. Having a mortgage, living in the suburbs, and commuting 60+ minutes every day to work just isn’t my idea of happiness, particularly when it comes with the sacrifice of regular travel. If my passport doesn’t get pulled out every 90 days or so, I start to get antsy. Plus, I missed having a kitchen with two sinks and some counter space.
Getting back into the working world was great. It felt good to be independent again and I realized how much I missed doing something daily that I felt added value to the world. I have huge amounts of respect for my scholar friends, whose careers involve research, but as much as I enjoy and value research, I don’t love it to the point where I want to do it every day. It’s far too insular and not social enough for me to do daily, and I tremendously missed contributing to part of something big and forward-moving, where I could see the impact of my efforts unfold over a relatively short period of time.
And the money was better.
I’ve never really been one to be motivated by money — is any teacher? — but living close to the poverty line helped me re-frame this a bit (I was living on less than $20K annually in NYC). Here is a truth for me: worrying about finances makes me considerably stressed. CONSIDERABLY. I imagine it does for you, too.
I’m grateful that I’m fortunate enough that I no longer have to worry about this, for the most part, but it has crossed my mind again this week. I’ve lost several nights’ sleep as I contemplate a summer between contracts with no salary, rent to pay, and sudden possible tax clearance (read: $10K gone at once). It’s a very real and arresting concern, particularly as during this time I will be traveling on non-refundable air tickets in a country 30 hours away from my current home. I’m not trying to solicit sympathy here — I know I’m okay, I’m fortunate, I don’t have children (other than a demanding cat), etc. — but I do know that thinking about all of this has elicited a few bottom lines for me:
- I’m very fortunate.
- Thinking about the possibility of not having enough money gives me ulcers and makes me stressed to the point of tears.
- If I had to think this way all the time I would be chronically ill.
- Being chronically ill costs money under my current health care plan and so I’d probably have to move back to Canada, where health care is guaranteed.
- I’m very fortunate.
Thinking more about this now as I type, I’m realizing that I have a lot to learn. Good thing I’m working on a growth mindset in this domain as well.
That’s all for now. Another post is coming later…. I think.
