Today I had two brief interactions that stood out to me. The interactions were with two different people.
The first was a colleague who spoke to a student, with me. In fact, the colleague was introducing the student to me. It was very brief — maybe only 3-4 sentences. The student was needing some support and self-management help. The student was aware enough to know help was needed, but was slightly embarrassed. My colleague spoke these three or four rather factual sentences in such a caring, respectful, kind, and compassionate way that I was truly moved. In what could have been an opportunity to speak in an authoritarian manner, as a superior, this professional used pitch, body language, pause, and eye contact to convey this unspoken message: “we are here to help you because we care about you so very much.” It was touching and refreshing, and I did share my feelings with my colleague immediately afterward.
The second interaction was a different colleague who spoke to me, also briefly — even more briefly than in the interaction above. This interaction was only two words. The two words were meant to be an affirmation, a congratulatory phrase we say to people who have accomplished something. On paper, they denote positive feedback. However, in this case, the tone they were spoken with communicated far more than the words. While the tone wasn’t wholly negative, it was identifiably pejorative. It was authoritarian. It implied that something “else” was expected. Its subtext was, “Well now… We weren’t expecting you to be so good at this.” I’ll add that these two words were said to me in reference to something I did which is part of my job — it is part of any teacher’s job, and so I have been doing it for 15 years now. I’m pretty dang good at it, and even if I wasn’t, using a tone that implies such surprise that I’ve pleased you is probably not the best way to motivate.
Tone can deliver meaning far, far more than the words at face value.
