Strangers are nice: the extrovert’s experience

(Again I forgot to post last night. TBH, I fell asleep on the couch with the cat watching Hairspray. It was actually a perfect ending to the day, so no sympathy required! But it did mean that I forgot to post. So here we go.)

This is yesterday’s truth.

I was not in a good mood. I had had a $h!t week. Details are unnecessary. Just know that it was the kind of week where each and every day in it was difficult. By Tuesday I was certain it was Thursday. I needed to get away from it all, BADLY. Friday was perhaps the peak of it all — I told a colleague that I was actually so overwhelmed and stressed that I was at the point that if someone handed me one more thing, I was going to lose my $h!t and burst into tears. That rarely happens. Like… hardly ever. In the last 7-9 years, I’ve become pretty good about managing stress and staying balanced. It’s not always easy (yoga + meditation helps) but it’s usually do-able. But Friday.. I had reached my limit. 

When the work day ended, my iPhone reminded me that I had RSVP’d to a Tweet-up of peeps from/around/part of the @hellofrmSG project. Peeps whom I’d not yet met face-to-face. I’ve been communicating with many of them regularly since moving to Singapore — I know their jobs, how many kids they have, their first names (sometimes last names too), and often what they’ve had for lunch. We’ve shared friendly and useful conversations. But we’d never met.

Earlier in the week, when I had RSVP’d, I had looked forward to the idea of meeting these people, mostly because in the nearly 6 years that I’ve been on Twitter, I’ve had very few negative experiences of meeting people I’ve connected with through my network there. Many of those people have since become good friends, and for that I’m quite grateful. It’s left me generally feeling positive in that I’m cultivating and extending my network in ways that bring out the best in me and in others. I value my network greatly. 

But on this Friday afternoon, the thought of dragging my butt into the city to meet a whole schwack of people I’d never met before was just … overwhelming. It was almost too much. At 5pm on Friday, all I wanted to do was go home, snuggle the cat, and watch movies on the couch. Alone. 

Here’s the thing: this is highly unusual for me. HIGHLY. 9.9 times out of 10, I will choose to socialize over doing things alone, if the choice is there. This is part of the reason why it takes me so long to set up my apartment when I move, repair things in my home, organize my tax files, and do laundry. They are all solitary things that bring me little joy, and I’ll gladly meet you for a coffee or a walk in the park instead of doing any of them. And new people? New people are one of my favorite things! (New anything, really — new bus routes, new restaurants, new dishes, new experiences — I love new!) I usually love meeting new people — I’m one of those curious types who is fascinated by people and their stories and their histories and what brought them to where they are today, at this very moment when they’re talking to me (errrm, or irritated by my quatrillion questions). I could talk to people for hours — and I have on many many occasions. I love people. 

In the moment where the thought of meeting new people — “strangers” — to socialize over drinks for an hour was overwhelming, somewhere at the back of my head popped two Thoughts:

1. “Adrienne! WTF?! this is really unlike you. You get energy from people. You should make yourself go. It’s very unlikely that you’ll be disappointed. People energize you, remember? What the hell is wrong with you?”
2. “OMG. Oh. my. gawd. This is what Brighde was talking about when we were discussing how introverts feel. Introverts must feel this way all the time! Yikes… how do they handle it? I’d go crazy!”

Thought #2 filled me with a sudden amount of empathy, so much that I wanted to cry. It made me think of all my introvert friends (and I have several!) who routinely politely decline when I invite them to a party where they will know no one except me. I remembered conversations I’d had earlier with Brighde (one of those introvert friends) and realized that I really must be more sympathetic to these friends when they decline said invitations. How insensitive I’d been!

Yet, I decided to listen to Thought #1. Thought #1 was reminding me of who my authentic self is. Don’t get me wrong — I still needed alone time, as I do regularly. But listening to Thought #2 and realizing that although I was feeling like retreating in that moment because of my experiences through the week, I also realized that this was not really who I was. This was just a blip, a bump. And I thought, hey… maybe Thought #1 is true. Maybe I will walk away feeling energized. 

(Thanks also to @BKKJase who also kindly encouraged me to come, just for a wee bit to say hi. He was very empathetic to my own negativity, yet light-hearted, which I appreciated.)

So I went. It wasn’t that far. I was the first one there. Others showed up within 5 minutes. They were all lovely. Really. ALL of them. I mean, it was a first impression and just for an hour or so, but I got no negative vibes at all. And it was easy to talk to each of them. EASY. It was also nice to take my mind off my own negative day and remind myself that The World is not just My World. It is so much bigger and when I’m in this kind of stressed funk, I need to remember that.

I only stayed just over an hour. I still wanted to lay on the couch and watch movies. I needed to rest — my brain was telling me that, as I was yawning. But I am so glad I went. I did feel more energized. I loved talking to people.  

The “strangers” were nice. I felt better. My mind was a bit calmer. And when I got home, being alone was even better, if that makes sense. It’s hard to explain — extroverts don’t normally like being alone. But on this particular Friday night, I felt like I’d had the best of both worlds.