But now, here I am at 1:17am (okay, 2:30 after editing) and completely burnt out. I’ve stayed away from Twitter nearly all day (unusual for me as of late). The past 5 weeks, I’ve spent an average of 9 hours\/day at the library<\/a>. My wrists and elbows are sore, my back aches, and my brain feels like mush. But I must go on. I have no choice.<\/p>\n My thesis<\/a> presentation is on Friday<\/a>. The final document is due on Wednesday, December 15. I’m stressed and bogged down. I am not where I thought I would be at this moment, despite meticulous planning and organizing, and mountains of work already done. I’m insecure about my entire thesis project and fearful that once I present, people’s reactions will be, “That’s it?<\/strong><\/em> You’ve spent the last 4 months on this? Really?” I am afraid that what I have to show will not be representative of what I’m capable of doing. And this saddens me. I hate that this fear lurks inside me.<\/p>\n Here’s what I <\/strong>want<\/strong><\/em> my thesis (and its presentation) to demonstrate:<\/p>\n And here is what I fear<\/strong><\/em> that my thesis (and its presentation) will actually show\/say\/demonstrate:<\/p>\n Put your money down, folks. Which side will win this battle — Thesis wants or Thesis fears?<\/p>\n So why am I laying it all out here in the open? I guess to make it real. That’s part of it. Another part of it, I think is to document what I’m thinking and feeling, so that I can look back on this and remind myself that sometimes insecurities make us stronger (at least I’m hoping that in the end of this I come out stronger!). I guess I’m also sharing with you in the hopes that you’ll give me some feedback, push me along, tell me what I’m doing is worthwhile, etc. — yeah, so maybe I’m fishing for a bit of an ego boost. That’s what happens when we get insecure, isn’t it?<\/p>\n I’ve been giving myself a pep talk the last couple of hours but it isn’t working so well. I think being sleep-deprived isn’t helping my mood. Sava<\/a>‘s been trying to puff me up a bit too — her feedback has been tremendously helpful and I’m infinitely grateful. But she is also in the midst of designing her own projects, and I know she is stressed and tired, too.<\/p>\n It’s finals week for everyone.<\/p>\n Whose idea was it for me finish my thesis project in the weeks leading up to Christmas, anyway? That person needs her head checked. She’s obviously never before done a thesis project involving research and design.<\/p>\n What was she thinking?<\/p>\n\n
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![\"D\u00c3\u00b3nal](\"http:\/\/farm1.static.flickr.com\/153\/416676096_3b1183b24a.jpg\" "\\"D\u00c3\u00b3nal")
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<\/a> by\u00a0 griangrafanna<\/a> <\/a><\/div>\nLike this? You might also enjoy these:<\/h3>